Red Carpet Ramblings...Oscar Style

Tis true what they say, there are a few things you can count on in life: taxes, Mack Brown excuse-making, and my annual self-indulgent foray into the field of fashion commentary. The Oscars have come and gone, and there is judgement to be had. Let the Oscar games begin! And may the haute couture be ever in your favor.

In no particular order...

Except for the obvious Katniss transition. Jennifer Lawerence who is oft a red carpet and generally awesome celeb favorite of mine, literally got worn by this dress. Her stage topple served as the ultimate cautionary tale of a gown with too much ambition. Love her anyway!

So, who else saw this dress and said to themselves, "All dressed up and no Petrovsky to go"?

 Beautiful dress, but it's the Carrie dress and it always will be. Poor Amy Adams, the girl who's fabulous ginger status has already been reduced by the faaabulous Jessica Chastain did herself no favors in the memorability department.

Speaking of Ms. Chastain...

I just think she is so gorgeous and the rose gold dress with her hair and fair skin and red lips was marvelous. Statuesque, classic, perfect.

Also winning in the statue department is Clooney Girl. She's gotta last one more Oscar season until she gets to stand under her own name, but she brings it in the arm candy department. I love the architechtural, metallic look of the draping, and the sheer back is on trend yet very fresh! You go, Clooney Girl!

Can you tell I love metallics? It's the Ke$ha girl in me. The structure of this dress is so killer. Without the unique asymmetry of the top, it would be just another flashy gown. But she owns this daring look and I love it!

If you would, indulge me one more metallic gown. I feel like some people might hate this and think it gaudy but I love it. It's very Oscars, in a fairly literal way. But I like that it cascades into a light tulle rather than a full-on C3PO metal mess. It's age appropriate, and Catherine Zeta-Jones, as she is prone to do, looks great.

Ok, ONE more metallic dress. This time gone horribly wrong. Perhaps with her sassy hair and insanely rigid shoulder pads, Halle Berry was trying to harken back to a time when she was universally beloved. But she looks as puzzling as ever--the stripes are unflattering, the shoulders are so severe and I can't stop thinking about David Bowie, which I would not imagine she was going for.

While I appreciated Helen Hunt going all "99 percent" and wearing H&M on the red carpet, you would have thought with the money she saved she could have splurged for a nice steamer. This could have been some nice press for the retailer, but instead we're left wondering why the gown wasn't pressed before she left for the show.

Anne Hathaway probably needs to lay low for a while. She has not endeared herself to many lately, particulary Valentino, whose beautiful gown she eschewed at the last minute in favor of this Fembot number.

And now, two of my favorites for last:

I really think Charlize Theron might be an angel. Who else could rock such a masculine haircut and still look so amazingly feminine and ethereal. She carries herself with such grace, and the dress compliments that so elegantly. She can do NO WRONG!

I have long held much disdain for Amanda Seyfried, for no real explicable reason. But there is no denying, she looks stunning. I gasped when I saw her. From her sweeping updo, to the glitzy applique, to the high-collar neckline, her look is perfection. She's never looked better, and she may have earned a red carpet fan!

Well, another Oscars come and gone. Tune in next week when I take Taylor Swift to task for the umpteenth time. Just kidding! Maybe....

Belle of the Bowlgame

As I sit here and passively watch the Shoulda Been 2008 MNC Rematch Bowl, I find myself in a football limbo, somewhere between the bitterness over a Sugar Bowl that wasn't to be, and the mirth in awaiting a Cotton Bowl that holds delightful possibilities. I suppose I should just build a Bridgewater and get over it, and focus on the latter.

After all, it will be a much better game anyway. Though not according to ESPN, who, in their analysis of the top bowls of the 2013 crop, failed to even spare half a breath to mention the Cotton Bowl amongst the upper echelons of CFB matchups. Well I, nearly all of my friends, and at least half the country would dare argue that this game is worth a look. Could it be because a rival network is broadcasting the game that it went unmentioned? Sports journalism, indeed. Not to worry, I'm happy to pick up the slack.

The Local Appeal

Now I don't even need to address this topic for the majority of readers, but for the sake of the vast global audience I coddle myself into believing I write to, it is worth noting that this game is of great local interest. Conference foes of yesteryear will be battling it out in a town where everyone either loves one of the participating teams or despise them both. Loyalty and loathing run parallel deep in the heart of Texas football (and lets face it OU pretty much falls into that category with a heavily Texonian depth chart).

Jerry's palace, or Death Star, whichever you prefer, serves as the perfectly gaudy backdrop for a game adorned with kings of the craft. A 3-time bowl champ and a Heisman wunderkind. Something's got to give.

QB Matchup

On the one hand, there's Landry "The Pick" (and I don't mean draft pick) Jones, often unfairly maligned by the Sooner Nation (myself certainly included). He's spent multiple years atop the Heisman preseason watch lists, only to slide out of contention as the years progressed. All that aside, LJ will sashay out of Norman owning nearly ever QB record on the books, and has three bowl victories and two(ish) Big 12 championships to his credit.

Erroneous Fun fact: LJ is going back to the scene of his first college playing time, where he was thrust unexpectedly into the harsh glow of the post-Bradford spotlight with fear in his heart (I'm just speculating) and a creeper stache on his face (truth).

And then there's Johnny Football Heismanziel Manziel, whose burgeoning legacy now includes the most prestigious trophy in college football, and the curing of Princess Kate's morning sickness via high five. This kid waltzes into the SEC like he owns the deal and spins around Bama defenders like an over-caffeinated third grader. We'll see if JFF can overcome the hardship of courtside NBA tickets and locker room hangouts with James Fear the Beard Harden to focus on the game that will someday provide him with (even more) fortune and fame.

Erroneous Fun fact: If Johnny Manziel was playing two truths and a lie, his two truths could be that he dressed as Scooby Doo for Halloween and that he dates a model. You just shouldn't be able to make those two statements concurrently. This dude is living one seriously charmed life.

Coaching

Stoops and Sumlin. Stoops, the Sooners defensive mind and Sumlin, OUr one-time co-offensive coordinator. These two guys know each other's moves, perhaps Sumlin even more so than Stoops. It will be interesting to see how this impacts each's approach to the game. I'd actually suspect that it will change very little, but it sure makes for the cliched "chess match." Whereas most bowls feature teams that rarely meet, these opponents have a great deal of history to work off of.

Erroneous analysis: It's too bad Kliff Kingsbury got hired away prior to this bowl game--I speak for many a lady when I say the Ryan Gosling doppleganger effect will be sorely missed.

The Teams

Both teams dropped their respective losses to top-10 teams. The Aggies won an epic game to knock off top-ranked Alabama and seal the Heisman W. The Sooners had no signature win, unless you count a walloping of the Longhorns in the Red River Shootout (we don't, but it sure was fun). The Aggies have  played defenses of far greater superiority, but OU has played some of the top offenses in the nation.

The up-tempo Aggie offense will be no surprise for OU, but the improvisational and scrambling skills of Manziel will likely prove problematic for the Sooners. The OU offense is nothing to sniff at either, with a top-notch recieving corps and (finally!) a serviceable post-Demarco running game.

The defenses are statistically comparable in rank...resting right within the top half of FBS teams. OU has the better pass defense, while the Aggies have greater success against the rush.

Erroneous story: I have been to Midnight Yell in College Station. Twice. It is one strangely fascinating tradition indeed.

So what does this all mean? I think we are in for a shootout, which means that a lot will come down to quarterback play and the ability to manage the game when scoring is an imperative. Will the old vets, Stoops and Jones, prevail for a fourth consecutive bowl victory? Or will the young guns on the scene, Sumlin and Manziel make a huge statement on the big stage. I can't wait to find out.

My Day at Amon Carter

Greetings Sooner fans and wannabes. What a beautiful day to win an inexplicable share of the Big 12 (10?) Championship (Seriously, how do you share a title with a team who a. beat you and b. has a better record than you, at least for now). I guess I'll take it, but I shake my head at the same time at the logical fallacies that continue to plague this conference, while somewhere the ghost of Dan Beebe looks on and laughs mockingly.

But enough about all that. Due to the generosity of my sweet roommate, I was given the grand opportunity to watch my Sooners play once more in the twilight of this 2012 season at the newest Big XII facility against one of the newest Big XII teams.

Initial impressions

TCU's Amon Carter Stadium served as our own sort of Globe Theater for the day's drama. We trekked our way to the steep heights of the upper deck. While the walk-up was a bit unnerving, the seemingly vertical climb served us well, as the distance to the field was greatly minimized. Although I do hate the dreaded endzone seat, the overall layout of the stadium seemed to provide accommodating views all around. We were fortunate enough to be situated right over the 50 yard line with a magnificent view of not only the field, but also the TCU Campus and Downtown Cowtown (Fort Worth for the uninitiated).

With 20 minutes to go in that which the TCU announcer so gleefuly noted as "pregame tiiiiime," the seats remained surprisingly unoccupied. Many opted to mill about the lively tailgating thoroughfares rather than take their spots early, though many TCU students were dutifully posted in their section, the best in the house, even before we arrived.


Fanfare
Now let me reflect for a moment on the fanfare portion of the experience. The TCU band seemed very loud on first listen. Impressively loud. Suspiciously loud. I gradually realized that this was due to the fact that they were mic'd up and pumping through the big screen speakers. Isn't that cheating a little bit? If it's not, then it's totally brilliant. Actually, scratch that. I hate it. It's really artificial.

But what I LOVED was the dance squad known as the "Showgirls." A seemingly inappropos name for a group at a Christian school, but nonetheless, they were FABULOUS. Their stint included pre-game performing, halftime performing, timeout performing, wardrobe changes, copious amounts of ke$ha glitter, and their own fancy platform to dance on during the game. I wanted to be them, or at least borrow their clothes. Most impressive.

It is also worth mentioning the Frog Horn, an oddly adorable electronic train that is supposed to look like a horned frog, that lights up and honks. It as quirky as hell, and it is awesome. The mist lining the TCU tunnel was also epic. The players appeared to be emerging from a dense fog. I really feel like if President Boren was at the game and got to see that, he would find a way make it happen in Norman, too.

Game Break
If you will, indulge me for a moment while I delve a bit into the details of the game. Whoever came up with the whole "death and taxes" thing needs to add some amendments after this OU football season. We should now include: the end-of-first-half quick strike, the nail-biting conclusion, and most of all, the Landry Pick (almost always costly) to the list of life's little guarantees.

I was also befuddled (read: furious) about the way the final offensive OU possession played out. Instead of running the ball, which would have run the clock; likely shortened the field goal distance; and negated the afformentioned Landry Pick concern, we get cute; throw twice;and dreadfully miss a field goal that would have sealed the game. Were we concerned about the wind as a factor in attempting a field goal from any distance at that end? Perhaps. The wind at field level can only be described as gnarly. That is the only semi-logical excuse for the play-calling that nearly ruined everything and made the end of the game far more interesting than it had any right to be.

Crowd
I have to say I was impressed by the folks who call themselves "horned frogs."  People were knowledgeable, engaged and, dare I say, very friendly. One guy, unsolicited, even tipped us off to shorter lines for food! They were not the rowdiest crowd I've seen, nor were they even able to fill their seats for this game, but they were certainly respectable. My favorite fan was the young boy seated in front of us. He wasn't totally locked into the game, instead favoring his tiny Titanic replica as the subject of his attention much of the time. But when he got involved, he offered up some gems. "Mess up, Oklahoma. Mess, up," was certainly my favorite. It doesn't matter which fanbase they come from-- teach 'em young, I say. His dancing moves, particularly the "Gangnam Style" were a revelation.

Other Considerations
Now, I can't say I'm a big fan of the tan brick exterior adorning Amon Carter. It matches the rest of the campus aesthetic, but I'm just no fan of its blandness. But what it lacks in visual splendor it makes up for in amenities. Bleachers with backs to them made for surprising comfort. Lower sections featured full-blown seats for program patrons. Concession selections were well above average (Dip 'n Dots!!) and a special app allowed you to order in advance and receive notice when your food was ready for pickup. I didn't try the gourmet popcorn, but it seemed to be fairly popular fare. I won't speak of the nightmarish ramp system; there was plenty to enjoy about this place but the entry/exit set-up was not one of them.

All of this said, I am glad we were able to come out on the winning side of this match. Victory is always sweet, and I will spend the next 24 hours hoping for a Sugar-y reward. Boomer Sooner. Here's to a fitting end of a wild regular season!

Awful Off-Season

Now, as I told my friend Andrew, everyone gets a little restless in the offseason. I myself have suffered a bout of cfb apathy in the wake of an extremely disappointing and mildly befuddling Sooner season. But I'll have to wallow more in-depth some other time.

Apparently I'm not the only Sooner who's a little "off" this summer. A picture of a cocktail dress-clad Kenneth Cole Stills (name changed to protect the indecent) has been making the rounds on the Internets, to the delight of non-Sooners everywhere. I'm not sure which is more disturbing: the plunging sweetheart neckline, or the dreamy-eyed, coquettish half-smile.

But the REAL embarrassment of this lag period belongs to none other than our (ex) bffs, the Texas A&M Aggies as they make their (self-)ceremonious foray into the world of the big, bad SEC. Loathe them though I do, they really are a kickass conference.

The Aggies have loudly proclaimed how excited they are to leave behind and forget about a team that just so happens to be the subject of their "War Hymn" (read: cultish fight song). They cast off the Big 12 like an ugly ex in favor of a hotter, better model. But, when you feel like you don't have the upper hand in the relationship anymore, sometimes you come off as, shall we say, a little desperate?

For a team so eager to declare its independence, there sure is a lot of pandering going on here. Maybe I'm quick to judge, but I'm just saying, I can't see myself throwing up a Hook 'Em H*rns (can't even write it) or throwing on some Oregon garb had we joined the Pac 12, even if their uniforms are really, really freakin' cool.

So good luck, to dear old Texas Aggies. I'll leave the parting shot to my main man, Bob Stoops.

"When you look at what these guys have done, we are bringing in two ranked teams at the end of the year and the two that left I don't know that they were."

Now that's a cool customer.

Click for bonus not-as-vintage-as-you'd-hope awkward cfb vid

Don't forget your power towel!!

Clai-borne Identity

Welp, the Cowboys made quite the unexpected splash by moving up to acquire Morris Claiborne for their first-round pick. In just the first 3 days, this selection has been met with equal praise and scrutiny. Now I'll admit I know next to nothing about Mr. Claiborne. But two things I know: 1. He scored a 4 on the Wonderlic test. 2. He said he didn't try on the Wonderlic test.

I have to ask, does this bother no one else? Everything I've heard in the press has really minimized these two factoids. Because apparently the causality of Fact 2 to Fact 1 makes this testing anomaly (read: mega-embarrassment) a non-issue. In my eyes, both items are quite troubling.

For starters, how does one score a 4-- a four! That is four questions out of 50. That is horrible. My brother scored exponentially better on the practice Wonderlic test we took before the annual family Thanksgiving game. And he's 13. Even the unstable Vince Young managed a cool 7 the first go-round.

But the biggest problem here is part two, the one where this guy just doesn't try. I'm not sure at what point it became acceptable for a person vying for millions of dollars to just mail it in on part of the application process. He knew that his skill was enough that teams would gloss over a simple test score in favor of his highly touted collegiate resume.

This attitude of flippancy smacks of arrogance and entitlement. The arrogance is to be somewhat expected-- he is NFL-caliber talent, after all. The entitlement is a big, big problem. This one act, though seemingly small, shows early signs of feeling "above the system." Well, well, well, does that sound familiar or what? He will be in good company at Valley Ranch. Jerry Jones has welcomed with open arms scores of players thought themselves to be beyond reproach (Terrell Owens, Pacman Jones...need I name more?). It's no secret that the Cowboys culture has catered to entitled attitude for some time. Clearly, he does not deserve to be ranked amongst these team cancers, but his disregard for the opportunity to make an impression on a future employer is disconcerting.

There's also the matter of personal pride. This guy was actually surprised and hurt by some of the backlash he received. What you put out for the world to see is how you are perceived, and perception is reality. So when people see a 4/50 as your score for an aptitude test, you might be judged as being not so bright. You don't get to put an asterisk next to it (a la Texas Longhorns) saying *did not try. If I'm an owner, manager, or owner/manager hybrid, I don't want this brand of apathy on my team. Because if you don't even take pride in your own name, how much care will you really put into your team?

And I may be making mountains out of mediocre scores here, but I think to completely disregard it as an indicator of attitude and effort is shortsighted. I think in the end, character still matters on the football field. And I don't care if Morris Claiborne is the baddest thing to ever hit the field, right now, i'm not impressed. Or perhaps, it'd be more apropos to say, "I don't care."

It's Jerry's World and We're All Just Living in It

So I've been sitting on this post for a good long while now, and I figure there's no time like the day after General Jerry finished assembling his future crop of star-spangled ballplayers to take a look at the place he built to house them. My friend, who shall be known as "RAIght Opinions," and I actually wrote this point/counterpoint with the frame of reference of attending a college game at Jerryworld, so our perspectives come from a different place than perhaps a Cowboys season ticket holder. Not to mention, I find a way to bring college football into seemingly everything, don't I?

Pro-Jerryworld-- RAIght Opinions

People always are talking about how they are in love with the newly constructed Cowboys Stadium, and I completely actually agree with them. Just look at the price tag that this behemoth stadium came with – 1.3 billion dollars. This resulted in everything about it is just over-the-top. There is enough seating for 80,000 of our American oversized butts - in custom-made Dallas Cowboy star-embossed seats. The ability to house 31,000 more with the standing room only sections. Then there are the massive video boards which are each over ¼ of an acre (what is Jerry Jones compensating for there). When you walk in doors you are greeted by large murals and various types of modern art. Every door has a different theme and a different story. There are indoor fountains, gardens and so many more secrets reserved for only who have houses made of gold. Throughout history structures of this magnitude have only been erected for powerful kings, gladiators, and gods. So it makes perfect sense to create a modern structure to house a combination of them all. Football is more than a game – it has become a religion. There are rituals, and customs, and those who are worshiped. Cowboys Stadium takes the first major step to finally accepting this.

To those who do not find their experience at the stadium thrilling, I ask why? I have heard such things as it is too large, the food is too expensive, and it doesn’t give you the same crazy atmosphere that other smaller stadiums do. My thoughts are that this is just the fear of change or sheer jealousy. Lets be honest - there is no comparing a college stadium to the pros. College stadiums carry history and tradition; some of the best stadiums are the oldest with a few minor facelifts. On the other hand, professional stadiums are slowly starting to focus on the fan experience and the ability to house other events. This does not allow for them to be constructed in a way that we are accustomed to. Just take a look around the pros and see what else is out there, you have teams who share stadiums with baseball, teams playing in old domes which are falling apart, and teams playing in large outdoor stadiums that cant handle rain and snow. Cowboys Stadium is easily one of if not the premier stadiums in the league. Once people start to understand this, those who fear the change of what professional football is becoming will begin to accept it as the new way slowly percolates across the country, and those who are jealous will continue to put it down until they are able to get their own.

So if you can swallow your pride, I say go enjoy Cowboys Stadium; experience all it has to offer as the most unique stadium in the world and your love will slowly start to form. It has TV’s that are 5.5 times the size of the average American house. If you still hate it that much for whatever reason – than try and be happy with your older smaller stadium that is falling apart. I warn you, though, you’ll eventually see that your ways have left you alone with nobody around to cheer with.

Anti-Jerryworld-- BelleoftheBallgame

The grandeur or gaudiness of JerryWorld lies with the beholder. If you are going to this alleged "football stadium" in hopes of being entertained, with bright lights and technology abounding, congratulations, for you have found your Mecca.

To me, a football game is something entirely separate from what that place stands for. JerryWorld is an entertainment center, not a football stadium. And I think that was Jerry Jones' intention. He wanted to create a multibillion dollar, multifunction megaplex. One of the first events to take place within was a JoBros concert. It has hosted the NBA All-Star game. A PBR event. You name it.

And I don't even necessarily have a problem with that.

The problem for me lies in the fact that, other than having a giant green field in the middle of it, JerryWorld in no way facilitates itself specifically towards the game of football.

Take, for instance, the giant screen looming large above the field- the piece de resistance, the resonating image of Cowboys stadium. It is the biggest, fanciest screen of its kind in the world, and yet, what does it do to facilitate one's understanding of the game being played below? Game clocks and downs are slow to be updated correctly. Significant stats, such as rushing and passing yardage by each team are not even displayed. You mean to tell me a screen that stretches over 20 yards in length cannot (to quote Seinfeld) "spare a square" for some meaningful statistics? And play clocks are not listed either- the only ones to be found are teeny-tiny (at least from the view of the $50 nosebleed seats) in the corners near field level.

Many people have commented that they find themselves watching the giant screen more than the game itself due to its imposing nature. Why spend gobs of money to attend a game and essentially watch it on tv? Atmosphere, perhaps? To quote Lee Corso, "Not so fast, my friend."

The sound quality in the stadium is terrible (which is not good to a place also positioning itself as a concert venue). It is difficult to hear the referees make their calls, and to hear any sort of announcements in general. I find the enclosure aspect of the stadium quite claustrophobic for a game that is intended to be played outdoors. 100,000 people milling around a building just doesn't sit well with me. It feels confining, rather than liberating. Football should be played out in the elements- that is part of the specialness of football, and, in particular, college football. For me, experiencing the weather- pouring rain, or freezing cold, or 100+ degrees, makes me feel like a part of the game. Sitting in a climate-controlled techo-wonder elicits a disconnect from the game.

But then, it does have those wonderful "biggest-and-best" boasts behind it as a facility. Cellphone service pretty much anywhere you move. Fancy plazas in each end zone to take pause and take in the vastness of it all. Nice screens everywhere. Cool art to look at. You name it. It’s experience-centric rather than football-centric. It’s the game dumbed down for the masses. Instead of creating informed fans, it caters to the hyperactive--the need for overwhelming sights and sounds. I’d rather just focus on the game.

How do you feel about Jerryworld? I'd love to hear.

A Great Miscalculation Or: The Ballad of Lam Lam's Lament

Sooo... I may have made a teensy error in judgement. As you may recall, it was not so long ago that I was extolling the greatness of the Mr. Kardashian-takes-Dallas saga. Oh, he took Dallas, all right.

I let my admiration of the kurviest Kardashian and her affable man impede upon my impeccable sports judgement. I believed that the introduction of a sportslebrity offering of such current relevance could only bring good to our fine metroplex. Not to mention, he was supposed to be, in the words of Dottie Henson (by way of Geena Davis), "a damn fine ballplayer."

The aforementioned man was not the one who slunked into the heart of Big D. Lam-lam instead lived up to his recently given moniker and grazed lifelessly around the court and the town like a lost sheep for 3 agonizing months. At first I was his big defender-- he wasn't acclimating to a new place, he just needed some time, blah, blah blah.

In hearing the breadth of his apathy (perpetual tardiness, bogus excuse-making, etc), anyone of sound mind and character should find his inaction indefensible. As we zoom further out on the picture, we see more clearly that this man just did not care. Even if you can't dig down within, or look up to divine inspiration, you'd think a paycheck worth millions of dollars would help you figure out a way to fake it, or at least contribute in some pseudo-meaningful way. I understand why Mavs fans are livid. A guy was given a free pass for months to waste roster space and poison a locker room. That's infuriating.

I'm going to make a terrible comparison that Romo apologists are going to hate, but stay with me, here. After the abysmal effort in the make-or-break 2008 season finale against the loathsome Philadelphia Eagles, Tony Romo more or less verbally shrugged off the loss and essentially said that football is just a game. Now, in isolation that statement is not much of anything. But against the backdrop of his mid-season Cancun vacay and Jessica Simpson sportslebrity frollicking, it's unacceptable. To me, it said that he was more interested (at that time) in enjoying the sportslebrity lifestyle rather than focusing on the game and giving a crap about the job he is paid millions of dollars to do. I still really haven't gotten over that, even though he is a far cry from the boy who stood by 'Mom Jeans Simpson' for so long. If that was enough to set me off, how much of an impact would a Lamar Odom have?

As a side tangent, thank goodness Romo was freed of Jessica's manicured talons in the nick (Lachey) of time. What would his career be right now if he was forced to stand by her as she spouts off on late night television about the anomalies of pregnancy, which apparently include incessant gas and something known only to J Simp as "swamp ass"? I shudder at the very thought. Still, we have "You're my Sunday" as both cruel reminder and cautionary tale of sportslebrity romance gone so very wrong.

The point is, behavior speaks volumes. And Lamar's behavior from the moment he set foot in our great state has been nothing short of pitiful, and he played this team and city for a fool. I truly do think had he come in with a better attitude, he could have been very well received by people and his stay here, for however long, could have been a lot of fun. Instead, he's the town pariah, forcing those of us who backed his arrival to sheepishly admit we were dead wrong.

So long, Khloe and Lam Lam. We barely knew ya. But I think we've seen enough.